Free will… Could these two words have been taken out of context for generations in such a way that the real image and likeness of the Creator has been distorted and disfigured into a “Zeus like God” who loves only the few and can’t wait to strike bolts of lightning at the rest? Over the last few years the journey Kurt and I have been on has been absolutely amazing, joyful and astonishing in ways that we will never fully grasp or be able to fully describe but in ways we would never be able to deny.
If I had to give a title to the chapters of the last few years of our lives it would be, “The Astonishing Dance!” Even the word astonishing pales in comparison to what the experience has truly been. Psalm 91 comes to mind, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Never before has there been such rich meaning for this verse in my life and in Kurt’s life. Though I have to say as I am writing this part of my story, David’s Psalm has simply transformed into a personal statement for me. Through the relationship with the Trinity, instead of finding rest in the shadow of the Almighty I could simply say, engaging in conversation and saying yes to the dance of all dances. The dance of living life without fear and the dance of expectations of great things to come. The dance of all dances.
This might be hard for you to understand. You might be thinking “How could Katy be rewriting one of the psalms of the great King David, the man after God’s own heart? How could she fit this into her own experience?” You may be calling me a “heretic.” Honestly, a few years back I would have cried “heretic” myself, however the reason I am writing this blog today is to encourage you to hopefully start a dialogue that you can begin to have with the Godhead. After all, isn’t communication the basis of all relationships? How do we communicate with the echo of our hearts, the very life force and essence of the being that created all things? How do we move from being spectators to fully embracing the dance? How do we not only embrace but trust that our footing will always be perfect and our timing will always be right?
For Kurt and I the journey has been sooooo liberating. When I was finally able to see that every word ever written in the Bible came from a relationship with the Creator. Or, it came out of the desire to understand God and explain to others what that relationship looked like. The question is, was the true character of God explained or not? The beauty is that God gave the writer the free will to share their perspective on their own journey.
When the incarnate God came in the flesh, the true “Word of God” appeared in the form of man. Jesus had arrived. His journey into the world was to bring back all of creation into the knowledge that, without a shadow of a doubt, all had been reconciled back into “the relationship of all relationships.” This revealed the character of the Father and the Holy Spirit. The character of Love. To show the world that even wrong beliefs about who He is would never separate anyone from the eternal love that never fails.
For Katy and I, this journey of learning about free will has taken many turns. We have gotten into a few wrecks along the way but the Spirit has always extended her hand to help us back up. She tended to our wounds and she has encouraged us in who we really are. She tells us how perfect we are. How we are capable of our dreams, and born out of the love of the Trinity. Born to love, be loved, and enjoy life in abundance with peace and joy.
We would say there is a common theme in our lives the last few years. Simply said, we are letting the truth of what we have heard about who we are from the Spirit to move from our heads to our hearts. His love is the one and only thing that will transition us to move from our cognitive concepts to our hearts being opened up to truth and living every moment amazed. We individually began this journey when we opened our hearts to the realization that everything we have believed isn’t exactly true in the context of how it is often taught.
The two of us began to measure our hearts to what we had been taught and thought certain scriptures meant. This examination was very enlightening. When we did this, many times we began to see it differently. Along the way Kurt and I experienced our own “ah ha” moments, that we then shared with each other. And shared in many of the things we have written over the last two years. Those revelations have evolved and grown deeper into His love which is part of this amazing journey of life. Just in the last few years we have had many chapters that didn’t always end wonderfully. We have lost two parents and multiple friends. Yet, when these tribulations happened we together were able to rest in the truth that Jesus overcame death and all are in his presence. We also have had other things happen that were difficult but when each event occurred, we grew closer to His unconditional love. The events in our lives are part of our stories and part of the stories of others as well.
I had a revelation one day that if I were really created in His likeness and in His image then maybe my heart actually had the truth in it and my head was the problem. The catalyst of lost identity. By questioning my questions to what if what feels right to my heart is actually truth my eyes of understanding had opened. When the guilt and shame that came from being told “I was a lowly little sinner with a dirty heart” was lifted and faded away. I felt like I was standing on the mountain of peace and joy with my arms raised in gratitude for the lover of all lovers. In this experience of awe, wells of living water more abundant than I had ever believed possible began to flow out of my heart. I began to see myself more and more the way God has always seen me, and I also began to see others the way God sees them. PERFECT….no matter what….just PERFECT.
You are perfect! You are righteous! You are loved and really liked by the Creator of the entire cosmos. You are His beloved child and in the midst of your triumphs and struggles He is well pleased with you. His will for you is to live in the peace and joy of knowing He will help you achieve all the desires of your heart. He wants you to know He will never leave you, He will never punish you for distorted beliefs about how He sees you or how you see Him. He is yours and you are His. Halleluiah!
Katy & Kurt Adkins