The more we see ourselves intertwined in the trinity, the more we desire spending time getting into our heart. Originally, when my participation began with “Christianity”, I anchored myself on “be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.-Romans 12:2 I was filtering this through the be good and be blessed, or be bad and be beaten theology so I worked hard daily to make sure I spent enough time in study. I became consumed by filling my head with all the knowledge I could so I was “fully” armed against the schemes of the devil. To be honest, most of the time I couldn’t stand myself. Not only was I measuring myself based on my works and time spent getting better, but I was also taking scriptures so literal that I wouldn’t break bread with people who were not “Christians”. I was even anointing our house every time people would visit. I was spending so much time battling the darkness that I lost friends, lost my identity and re-locked the chains that were supposed to be removed because I had now become a “Christian”. I know that I am not alone in this, and praise God that today I am not ashamed to admit how wacky I had become. I walked on eggshells in my mind thinking that if I had a crazy thought, or listened to secular music that I was somehow quenching the Holy Spirit. My life got very narrow and I was placing more rules and regulations on myself to try to be the best Katy I could be. I remember one time I even prided myself publicly that it had been X amount of days since I swore.🤭
I learned a lot in those days. Mainly, that I had a lot more fun before I was “saved”. I was a lot less judgmental that’s for sure. I remember during those really dark times trying to navigate Christianity and thinking of the Billy Joel song, Only the Good Die Young. The lyric “I would rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, the sinners are much more fun….” I longed to have fun again, but I just kept getting wound tighter and tighter. I spent a lot of time thinking, is this really what God desires? Does He really want His children (me) to struggle so hard and work so hard? When I would get the courage to bring these questions up in conversation I would hear words like, Obedience, Sovereign, and Just. I was so confused because none of this matched up to what I was feeling in my heart.
A few blogs ago we mentioned the word “wait” in this verse, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”-Isaiah 40:31. The word wait was actually translated from the Hebrew word Kaw-vaw’ which means to be intertwined. Over the last few years of this journey Kurt and I have been looking into the original Greek and Hebrew translations. No wonder what I was hearing and studying never matched with what my heart was telling me. No wonder I was creating more chains on my heart through my actions. No wonder I felt so lost even though supposedly I was finally found.
Along the way I grew into examining God through the “what if” lens. What if my heart has always been in relationship with the Trinity and it was only my head listening to the “I am nots” that caused these feelings of lack, separation, and feeling lost? Could it really be as good as I have desired God to be from as long as I remember? Could He really want me to prosper and be in good health even as my soul prospers? Could it really be that I am created in His image which is good? Is it possible The Who the Son sets free is free indeed, is really free?
The good news is that from the foundation of the world all of humanity has been in relationship with the Trinity. We have all been born from other centered love to live and participate in the union that has always been between the Trinity. This is good news!
The Bible is a book, the Word is Jesus and Jesus is the way, truth, and our life. We are blessed by the love of Jesus, the Father, and the Spirit. We are connected to this amazing love whether we read the Bible or don’t read the Bible. Basking in the Love of our Creator is being intertwined with the Lord. Our strength is renewed and we are able to soar with peace and joy in the Kingdom now and forever.
“To go back to the very beginning is to find the Word already present there; face to face with God. The Word is I am; God’s eloquence echoes and concludes in him. The Word equals God. The beginning mirrors the Word face to face with God. The Logos is the source; everything commences in him. He remains the exclusive Parent reference to their existence. There is nothing original, except the Word! The Logic of God defines the only possible place where humankind can trace their genesis. His life is the light that defines our lives.”-John 1:1-4
Layers of wrong beliefs begin to unveil as we enter our hearts. Embracing the Father, Son and Spirit in relationship reveals the manifold wisdom of God. He is the Light of Life and the Light of man. You can’t get any closer to the trinity and you can’t get any further away. He is in and through all things. However, you can choose to participate in the most beautiful breathtaking perfect dance that is already happening. The scene has been set, the music is playing and the dance is happening now. Despite what you have been told, you are worthy to join in. Despite all that you see wrong with you, God sees everything right! You are His perfect masterpiece! Behold All things have been made new.
Freedom is the Love of the Trinity which is unconditional, unwavering and supernatural. This love is your ticket and your ticket is redeemed to live as children of the most high. Our ticket is not about being a slave to work to please our master. We are children. We don’t strive to be obedient, we live as loved children. You are Free to live and enjoy life. Dance and sing to the music you enjoy and celebrate in the feast of life. Relationship with the trinity is experienced in and through the heart. No amount of study, sermons or good works will bridge the gap. Praise God that you are in our hearts, your heart beat is our heart beat your breath is our breath and your light is the light of all humanity.
Katy & Kurt